I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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