if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
