Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
