I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
