Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
