Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
