he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
It's never too late to be topless.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
