TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
