my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Just cropdusted the office
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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