that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
