i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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