i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
