Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
