You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Randomize
