I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
