Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
