Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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