nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
