; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
