lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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