Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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