never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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