If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
