What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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