found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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