I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
