Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
