i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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