shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
