it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
