Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
