ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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