I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
