i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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