Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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