Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
