Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
