White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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