i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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