I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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