A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
What a dumb baby whore.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
