I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
