YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
