I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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