i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
