I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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