When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You had me at "let me see your balls"
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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