So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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