Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
