We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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