I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
